Before we talk about pronouns lets talk about the golden rule and how it is BS.
The golden rule: treat people how you want to be treated.
What if the you is a 19 yr old white frat boy with little respect for themselves or others. I for one don’t want to be treated like them.
Instead we should treat people as they want to be treated (within reason). And I want to be treated like a 29 yr old black non-binary femme. Which means using they when you speak about me.
For example: They went to the bathroom. They are not here. They love chocolate. Etc ...
In the Modern English language we traditionally use she/her and hers to refer to folks and he him and his to refer to folks in the 2nd person.
That is fine for people who want to be identified that way but I do not identify with gender. That is not to say I don’t have a gender I just don’t want it attached to me. Others may want they/them pronouns for other reasons like being trans, genderqueer, or gender fluid. You really don’t need an explanation. Respect others ability to self-define.
If you respect me you will respect my pronouns. Just like I wouldn’t call you out the name you requested, respect mine and others decision to define themselves.
And before you start talking about grammar.